What If Losing Your Culture Is How You Find It?

I grew up as a British Indian in the UK, with a very small family in the UK. Like a lot of 1st generation kids, it’s always been a sense of misplaced belonging. It was confusing as a teen.

Now, I believe being disconnected from your culture isn’t only a loss. Sometimes the distance gives you permission to reinterpret it.

Last week, I had one of my close friends Indian wedding. At the same time, I’ve also been thinking about where I want to live next. One of the options that came up was India. From those two thoughts, I started writing about my connection with India. At least the connection that I thought I had. And thus, this piece stemmed from that little thought last week.

In my case, I didn’t grow up with a lot of Indians around me, but I did grow up with a lot of south asians; Pakistani’s, Afghanis, Iranians etc. This was my main group for my teenage life. I was exposed to a lot of their culture. But very little to my own. These friends even treated me like family and I spent a lot of time with their family too. It was a privilege and it taught me a lot about other cultures. But very little about my own.

My friend, who was getting married is a close friend. So I attended every event from the intimate traditional events to the wedding day. Naturally, I spent a lot of time with her family. It’s probably the most Indian aunties and grandmas I had seen in a long time. This experience brought up a lot of thoughts. And a lot of marriage proposals.

Unsurprisingly, I had no clue about a lot of the traditional aspects of the weddings. From wearing the right outfits, to giving money, to what things do I turn up too. God bless my friend. I called her so many times to make sure I had everything ready to attend everything. Even then, I still forgot to bring the money…. But it’s an Indian wedding, so I promised to bring it to the next event.. that’s okay right? I had a lot of chances.

Even though I grew up with a lot of South Asians, the cultures are still so different. Sure, they share some similarities with being Punjabi, but they are still distinct enough that if you say chai instead of chaa, rotli instead of roti, you are gonna get a few laughs. And any Indian aunty would figure that out by talking to me for 30 seconds. That week was filled a lot of laughs. It was all in jest. But it’s a subtle reminder that I’m not fully immersed in the some of the cultural parts. (ofc, like others, I can understand it well but I struggle with the speaking).

But I consume punjabi / Indian music, TV shows, films and I cook a lot of food of my culture (and south asian culture in general).

But even then I don’t feel a belonging to punjabi culture. Instead a belonging to a wider south asian and British culture. It’s hard to explain to people that I don’t feel really punjabi and sometimes that can feel very confusing for other.

I can’t be completely British either though right ? I didn’t have my first pie till I was like 18. I didn’t touch pesto (yes I know it’s Italian, but apparently it’s a uk staple), till I got to university. I hate english tea with a passion too….but can you blame me? I grew up with Chai.

My exposure to so many cultures early on in life, made me so open to everything later in life. In regards to religion, food, spirituality, media and everything else. It was also a pleasure and a privilege to learn and be exposed to cultures, especially when I was invited to peoples homes. That privilege isn’t lost on me, even more so as I got older.

This exposure to so many other cultures, made me very adventurous and curious about cultures — or maybe it was a defense mechanism to plug my missing gaps for not knowing my own culture? If I knew so much about others, could it make up for my own gaps?

I never thought about this way until I started writing this piece. Even now, I still do not know the answer, but it would be naive for me to ignore that as a potential option for my nomadic adventures.

In my early and mid 20s, i travelled around the world as a digital nomad. I went with such an open mind of ‘I do not belong anywhere’. So I learned about all cultures as I travelled across the world and I took what I liked. Whether it was Hojicha from Kyoto, Makgeolli from Seoul, the freedom mindset I saw in Colombia, to the ambition I saw in the USA.

Every journey has ended up with me taking a piece of that culture or mindset with me everywhere I go. I have become this amalgamation of other cultures. And although I am not fluent in punjabi, I feel proud of my culture and I want to find a way to connect with it more, whilst involving aspects from other cultures.

If anything, my travels brought me closer to my heritage. Being Sikh, our first Guru, Guru Nanak Ji, was also a traveller. He travelled all across the world to the holy sites with an open mind. I take inspiration from this, to see the world, learn from others and go with an open mind.

Don’t get me wrong though. As a teenager, it felt somewhat embarrassing to be so disconnected with the language. As an adult, I am proud of my connection with Punjabi and India. And India. I am proud to say ‘and India’. There can be a lot of hype around certain issues in India, especially regarding Punjab, but the people and the time I spent in and around India, makes me proud of India as a whole.

Sometimes that disconnect, can be a good thing. If you want to reconnect with your culture, in the way that you want, then you can find the time for that without being held by other parts that you might dislike or not want to surround yourself with.

This can be reflected in many ways of your life too. As a food devourer and home chef, naturally I took food as my pathway to connect with my culture. As a punjabi, we take our chai very seriously so last year I made chai EVERY. Single day. I don’t mean normal chai either.

I started experimenting. I made my own combinations, my own recipes.

Coconut and Dark chocolate chai, Banana and date Chai, Orange and Cinnamon chai.

Everything was homemade, from the syrups to the chai. It felt like a way to connect with my roots and combine my knowledge of other recipes and cooking with this. It even got to the point of where I could have supplied a restaurant with chai.
It was a very fun experiment and it took me down a path of learning about the history of chai in India, which was a lot more exciting then I realised. If anything, it increased my appreciation for chai and how we got there.

I am very fortunate to now call London my home (for now) and i’ve had the pleasure to eat at a variety of bakeries and cafes across London, whom are founded and owned by 1st generation immigrants. Those who grew up in England, away from the culture, but have managed to combine the two to make something beautiful for us to enjoy.

These cafes aren’t just food. It’s a story. There’s meaning behind these pastries. There’s lore. And that lore should not be forgotten.

And sometimes when I feel disconnected, I remember that sometimes it’s that amalgamation of culture that needs to the next evolution of products, services and more that are Indian-coded in our genetics.

It’s exposure to new experiences that create the next generation. Whether it is food, film, clothing or something else. It’s a blessing to be exposed to so many cultures and to share your take on your culture in your lens.

originally published on substack — 2026-08-17